I am not good at this, accepting what is. Anyone who knows me well knows that I can sometimes be a bit of a control freak; not in terms of controlling other people, but in controlling the situation. For example, I will drive any distance to keep from flying. I don’t trust the pilot and sometimes I’m not even entirely sure about the laws of physics. I also absolutely despise group anything; if I’m not in charge the answer is no. And if you suggest we meet up at a place I’ve never been in an area with which I am unfamiliar, you better believe I am Google Street View-ing the directions in their entirety so that I know exactly how to get there, where to park, and what to expect.
This usually surprises people though. In fact most of the time the only people who sniff out the truth of me are those who have the same tendencies; I generally come off as pretty chill and laid back. And I am. Kinda. But my acceptance, my laid back-ness, comes only within the boundaries of what I can control, or what I let myself believe that I can control.
The idea that I control anything is of course fallacy. I know, deep down, that I have almost no control whatsoever outside of my own mind, and that allowing myself to believe otherwise is a path to heartache. But the ego is a difficult thing to tame.
Lately this has been coming to a head for me within the realm of all I see that is wrong in the world. I want to fix it. The need deep within to demand that the world be a better place, to make it be a better place, has to be tempered with the realization that there is so much out of my control. I know this, and yet inside me is a strong sense of urgency to fix it all. And so I have to constantly remind myself that all I can do is what I can do, and the rest will be as it will.